Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
