I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i think i have two assholes
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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