My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
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