I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
