So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she told me i tasted like america
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
