physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
