we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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