Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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