Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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