During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
