I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize