im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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