so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
