I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
