so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
