I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
