So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
