Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
