happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
