There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
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guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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