I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
