Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
