i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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