Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize