but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
