My liver just broke up with me...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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