I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
