Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
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Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
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Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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