I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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