not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
