how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
