At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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