Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
