you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
