I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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