if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
