i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
