I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
