While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
