batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
