i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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