i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
