last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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