Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
