Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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