dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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