She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
