I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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