I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize