I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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