You made me cry and you don't even care
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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