what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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