I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize