is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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