Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
